So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
