I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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