haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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