whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
