i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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