So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
