How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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