please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
