She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
