I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
