so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
