Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
