In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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