I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
