my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im six kinds of drunk right now
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
