were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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