I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
