Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
