thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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