Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
