i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
