It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Swine flu is the new snow day.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
