Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize