If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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