If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize