i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
