my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
