When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
one might say we're banned from that church
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
