so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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