if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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