Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
