I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
