I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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