Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
