I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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