forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
