I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
