On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
