i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
