You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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