you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
