it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
