Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize