He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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