I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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