i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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