Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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