she looked like the before picture.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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