I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
