id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
