cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
