so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
