I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
