How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
