I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
