dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
