I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
