when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
