Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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