talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
