So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
