We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
