I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
