i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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