Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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