Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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