He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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