I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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