She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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