you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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