I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
