If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
